At Unique Thrift Store

"If I abuse anyone, it's you."

Skyway Social Webber

She just got Facebook last week, but she still hasn't added me, and I'm her best friend!

HEARD BY SARAH

On the 11

"Do I look like I'm bald and toothless? No!"

HEARD BY SARAH

Target "Guest"

"So that is why grandma and grandpa are so upset? Was adoption brought up?" -lengthy pause- "Do I want orange sheets?"

HEARD BY SARAH

Health Food Shopper

"Oh! That yeast stuff, I am so allergic to that."

HEARD BY DANI AND SARAH

Chicago man on Cell phone

Well I am sober now, so I'll just let her cool off.

HEARD BY SARAH

City Center shopper, to his friend who was lagging behind

"You walk like you've been shot!"

HEARD BY SARAH

Walmart employee over the intercom

"Sporting Goods, you have a call up on line one."

HEARD BY STEPHANIE

Woman talking to friend outside US Bank Plaza about her roommate:

"The bitch got an iPod and all kinds of cash from her family. She's totally fuckin spoiled and it makes me sick. I finally told her, 'Bitch, get your own fkn tampons!' "

HEARD BY CRAIG

Lazy Skyway Guy

"You can buy things at Target, take this coupon and bring your car there later in the day and they will load everything in your car. That's better than going to Knollwood and having to walk all your shit back to your car!"

HEARD BY SARAH

Girl shopping at Macy's

"On a scale of one to ten, rating how much I like this, ten being the best, I would rate this a one."

Her mom asked if she was sure...

HEARD BY SARAH AND DEBBIE

Target Shoppers

"That shirt ain't ugly, you're just pregnant!" (Girls in the fitting room)

"They're like rubber bands." (Guy in the ladies underwear section, talking to his girlfriend and stretching a pair)

HEARD BY SARAH AND DANI

In the Skyway near Jimmy John's

Man on cell: "Yeah I got the internet over at my lady house but she's been mad at me for the past 3 nights so I ain't been over there."

HEARD BY AARON

#17 Bus Rider

"...bus driver, Sexy bus driver!"

HEARD BY SARAH

Guy wearing a hat and coat inside Espresso Royale

"Are you fasting for souls?"

HEARD BY SARAH AND DANI

One office guy to another

"My friend married a lady with Tourette's"

HEARD BY SARAH

Young "thug" on a cell phone at the Dollar Store

"In my Exalade!"

HEARD BY SARAH, TANYA AND DANI

One Drunk Local Guy to Another At The Brass Rail in Medford, WI

"Dude!! You're on ZYBAN?!!"

HEARD BY AARON

Rude Drunk Man on the Number 6 on Cell Phone

"Yeah, you know how it be. I'll check ya later. Yo, this is Tylenol, I'm out!"

HEARD BY GEE AND DREW

Cellphone bus rider

"I need some money when I get home, it cost two dollars to get on this damn bus! You know I am a tightwad MF'er."

HEARD BY SARAH

Excited young girl, to her brother

"Are you sure you want to be a girl?"

HEARD BY SARAH AND TANYAMS

Mullet Lady on the 18 Screaming Into Her Cell Phone

"CHRISTIE! CHRISTIE!! YOU BETTER NOT SMOKE ALL OF YOUR CIGARETTES TODAY!" [SNAPS PHONE SHUT]

Heard by Amy

Loud Cellphone Girl on Nicollet

"Why would I buy you dinner? No, like I would pay for me and you would pay for you, but we go to the same place. [pause] We went out for like three or four months and how many dinners did I get? Mm hm!"

Two Very Fit Women Jogging Around Lake Calhoun, Multi-Tasking

"They need to realize it's all about the children these days. The children are what matter the most."

HEARD BY AARON AND IJT

Drunken Lesbians at 19 Bar

"I don't give a shit about your fucking face"

"My name is Ember with an E, like the last coals in a fire"

HEARD BY MARA

Teenager to her tweenage sister

"It cost 99 cents, you had a dollar, so you got a penny back!"

HEARD BY SARAH

One Woman to Another Leaving D'amico on Nicollett

"You need to understand, Julia, not everyone feels that way about cops..."

HEARD BY AARON

One Male Student To Another Storming Down the Hall At MCTC

"It's because he had serious issues with his mother. She was all abusive and Roman Catholic or something. I get all that, but dude shut up when we're trying to learn!"

HEARD BY AARON

Drunk Guy Sitting on Sidewalk Talking On Cell Phone on 4th and Washington

"Come and pick my ass up NOW!!"

HEARD BY SARAH AND AARON

MOA Shopper

"What the heck is wrong with him that he can do that for ten years?"

HEARD BY SARAH AND DANI

At a Liquor Store in Maple Grove

WITNESSED BY AARON AND SHANNON

Two Girls on the Number 19

"What sites?"
"Porno Sites!"

HEARD BY SARAH

Very angry fair-going lady, one block from the main gate

"Do you want me to just ask them where the main gate is?"

Target man juggling a toddler and putting on a show

"That's how Daddy's belly comes in handy - I just sit you on it."

HEARD BY SARAH

Middle-aged guy talking to friend on elevator at US Bank Plaza

"Yeah, I'm a TOTAL brand whore. My wife is always getting on me about that. 'Honey, it's the SAME SHIRT.' And I say 'Yeah, but this one has the little horse on it right here.'"

HEARD BY AARON AND NICOLE

Two Guys Evaluating an elevator before getting on it at US Bank Plaza

GUY 1: Ugh... that one's too full. We'll have to CUDDLE with everybody...

GUY 2: C'mon, it'll be fun. Let's spoon.

HEARD BY AARON AND NICOLE

Customer Putting down the phone to yell at her kids

"Justin, put down that broomstick and stop chasing your sister around with it!"

HEARD BY BECCA

A Band of Gutter Punks Sifting Through An Evicted Person's Belongings in the Dumpster

Looking through a photo album:

Gutter Punk 1: Look at these pictures!! Dude was ugly and stupid!! No wonder he was evicted.
Gutter Punk 2: But YOU'RE ugly and stupid!
Gutter Punk 1: Yeah, and I don't live in an apartment either!

HEARD AND SEEN BY AARON

Man in a food court

"Lime tequila! Boy was it green!"

HEARD BY SARAH

18-year-olds at the National Camera tent sale

"We want to be paparazzi."

HEARD BY GEE

Crazy Homeless Guy on 19th and Stevens

"Go to sleep now, meow-meow. Go to sleep, little fella."

HEARD BY AARON, THE ONE HE WAS TALKING TO

Bagboy at Lunds

"I'm going on break - hold all my calls. And don't be scared of the cheese, it's not sharp."

The cashier said she didn't get it.

HEARD BY SARAH

Overly Concerned Target Shopper

"Are you gonna pick that up, or should I?"

two seconds after I had tossed an item to my niece, who had missed catching it.

HEARD BY DANI AND SARAH

Shopper stating the obvious at Dollar Tree

(sigh) "Stuff."

while staring at the shelves

HEARD BY DANI AND TANYAMS

3rd and 18th

This one confuses me. Is God telling us to kill ourselves or is He a cheesy vampire from a B-Movie?

WITNESSED BY AARON

Bathroom wall at Bryant Lake Bowl

"What the F is wrong with me?"

under which was written

"probably Herpes"


SEEN BY SARAH AND GEE

Young child at Big Lots

"I have to go poop! I felt it coming."

HEARD BY SARAH

Two guys walking past Ermenegildo Zegna on Nicollet Mall

"No, dude. That store's for skinny, anorexic guys not guys like you and I."

HEARD BY AARON

Man stomping down the street

"I'm going home from work. I'm walking so I don't snap!"

HEARD BY TANYAMS

Two different Hummer drivers, who just don't get it yet

"I can't believe it takes 95 dollars to fill up my car!"

"I'm running short on gas money, could you spare some?"

HEARD BY BECCA

Man On the Elevator at 9th and Marquette

"I'm not even leaving the house on Saturday. If I wanted to live in Florida I'd move there!"

HEARD BY SARAH

Son Talking to Mortified Mom's Friend at Target in Maple Grove

Son: "You know, tomorrow's my mom's birthday and she doesn't want anyone to know."

Mom's Friend: "I know! It's her birthday and she doesn't have a man or air conditioning!"

HEARD BY AARON

On 19th and Stevens Near the Park

Man hanging up Cell Phone: "Huh? Dude hung up on me!"

The Girl with Him: "Naw naw naw! Fuck that! You need to call his bitch-ass back and when he answer you need to say 'Fuck you, ho!' and hang the fuck up. Uh-uh, uh-uh. You don't hang up on people. Naw, naw. That ain't right. Gimmee that phone [pause] FUCK YOU HO!! See. That's how ya gotta do it..."

HEARD BY AARON WHILE STRUGGLING TO PARALLEL PARK

Mid-twenties girl ascending stairs at St. Anthony Main after fireworks

"Man, if I fall down these stairs I'm gonna be pissed!"

HEARD BY AARON AND SARAH

Terrier Bumper Sticker

Terrier Bumper Sticker
Originally uploaded by bmw328driver.
SEEN AROUND TOWN BY GEE

Man reacting to the very end of the preview for "John Tucker Must Die" at AMC Southdale

"It has a myspace?!!"

HEARD BY AARON AND SARAH

Mother yelling at her child near the meerkats at the Minnesota Zoo.

"It is TOO HOT to STAND HERE LIKE THIS!!"

HEARD BY AARON

Three nerds at Hollywood & Highland

"My girlfriend is cool now, but I just keep thinking, 'When is she gonna turn?'"
"You know when you have to worry? When the sex stops!"
"I think mine is just hunting for a ring."

HEARD BY SARAH

Special Los Angeles Edition

Rocker chic wannabes on Hollywood Blvd

"Even like Sid Vicious lived in, like a crappy single."

HEARD BY SARAH

Special Los Angeles Edition

Guys in line for Tatsu the "flying" coaster, as the seats tilt forward

"Are you feeling that, dawg?"
"I am feeling that!"

HEARD BY SARAH

Special Valencia, CA Edition

20s woman on the steps of a brownstone in Steven's Square

On cell phone: "I think it was the chocolate ice cream... Yeah... Dude I slept on the toilet..."

HEARD BY AARON

Little boy at the Santa Barbara Zoo, about feeding the giraffes for $3

"Do you have that kind of money?"

OVERHEARD BY SARAH

Special Santa Brabara Edition

Them Gallon Drums are just going, going, gone!

The Castro.



Special San Francisco Edition

Gay Dogs

The Castro. Apparently, they're into bondage, too.



Special San Francisco Edition

I'll Pass

Beat-up wakeboard, near Chinatown gate.



WITNESSED BY AARON

Special San Francisco Edition

Apparently, they only need 3

This is a 3-legged greyhound that was tearing around in Alamo Square. He was running faster than all the other dogs.





Special San Francisco Edition

On Market Street Near Union Square

First pic I took in San Francisco. HAW HAW HAW!

Hick Teen to his hick family of five at Fisherman's Wharf

"Oh my god... There's one... right... behind us..." (they all slowly turn to look).

HEARD BY AARON, THE ONE RIGHT BEHIND THEM

Special San Francisco Edition

Drunk Girl at Table Next to Us at Pinocchio in North Beach

"She loves my cat, he loves my cat, they all love my cat. And they want it. They all want my cat..."

HEARD BY SARAH, AARON AND GEE

Special San Francisco Edition

Two Pre-teen boys at Fisherman's Wharf

Boy 1: Dude, that's totally gay.
Boy 2: Dude, don't say that here.
Boy 1: Why not?
Boy 2: Because you'll get stalked or something.

HEARD BY AARON

Special San Francisco Edition

Gay Guy to friend in front of Metro City Bar in The Castro

"It's not fair! When do I get to play hard-to-get?"

HEARD BY SARAH AND AARON

Special San Francisco Edition

Hiatus

Some of us are off to California... so we'll be bringing you some west coast conversations.

Ninth and Nicollet

Motherly-type on the bus: "Put that away, I told you about those purse snatchers down here."

Street Hawker to motherly-type: "Hey lady, come 'ere. I wanna read your palm."

Angry girl on cell phone: "No, I said the other way around ASSHOLE!"

HEARD BY SARAH

Cashier at Bath and Body Works at Mall of America Reacting to the piped in music

"Locomotion is next..." [rolls eyes]
(seconds after Janet Jackson's "Nasty" ended "Locomotion" started)

HEARD BY AARON

Little girl leaving Chipotle in Uptown with her mom

"[Making a sour face] I'm STUFFED!"

HEARD BY AARON AND SARAH

Woman talking to co-worker on elevator in Golden Valley

"I don't mean to be a gold-digger but with these titties, puh-leeze..."

HEARD BY BECCA

Maybe they should get that fixed

WITNESSED BY MARA

A Sure Sign That Gas Prices Are WAY Out of Control

Cops on patrol near 2nd Av S and Franklin

WITNESSED BY AARON

I Blame Al Pacino

At Former Walgreens, 4th and Nicollet

WITNESSED BY AARON

What else do you NEED in a phone booth?

WITNESSED BY AARON ON 9TH AND 3RD

Trashy Lady Trying to Convince Reluctant Friend on the Bus to See The DaVinci Code

"It's got them albino's in it and I luuuvvv Tom Hanks..."

HEARD BY SARABELLEM

One Suburban Soccer Mom To Another on Elevator at US Bank Plaza

"His nephew is coming into town this weekend. He's a little [insert limp-wristed pantomime here] enthusiastic..."

HEARD BY AARON

At the corner store

Man 1: You're moving to Dubuque? Are there black people there?
Man 2: Of course, I'm not trying to move somewhere there's only KKK.

HEARD BY SARAH

Little boy crawling on the floor of the bank, retrieving a penny Mom dropped and looking straight up her skirt.

"Mommy, I can see your underwear. They're pink and green."

HEARD BY AARON

At The Red Hot Art Festival

"Ughhhhh, NUDITY!!!"
--Two little boys shortly after walking into one of the tents

"Poontang, poontang, poontang HOOCHIES..."
--Unknown band at the park

A very good version of "Surf Rider" by The Lively Ones. It's a song anyone who has seen "Pulp Fiction" will recognize immediately. Followed by other similar Surf music.
--Unknown band at the park. This is the most coherent band I have EVER heard at this Red Hot Arts thing.

The Smells of Summer

Yes, that is a pile of DEAD FISH between the dumpster (the green on the far right) and an old futon mattress!! I saw this on 19th and 2nd and damn near BARFED!! By the way, the camera didn't pick up the cloud of flies surrounding this area.


WITNESSED BY AARON

In the theater before "The DaVinci Code"

"I am NOT gonna roller derby..."

HEARD BY AARON AND GEE

Waiter storming past our table going back to the kitchen at P. F. Chang's. A nearby bus-boy rolled his eyes and sighed.

"Fuck-fuck-fuck-fuck-fuck-fuck!!"

HEARD BY SARAH, GEE, AARON

One black female to another on Lasalle near 15th

"If I'm gonna BE a gangsta, I'm gonna beat a bitch ASS..."

HEARD BY SARAH AND AARON

Nuff Said! Yaay Murderapolis!

WITNESSED BY AARON

Oh Crap! We Have to LEASE that now?!

WITNESSED BY AARON

Filthiest Billboard on Earth

WITNESSED BY AARON

Outside Target downtown

"God is great! That stuff will clog up your arteries."

HEARD BY SARAH

The Dog Poop Tirade

"I will call the police. Pick up your mutt's dog shit, it's the law. Plus it is so so so NASTY. Is this how you pigs live at home? Ya nasty motherfuckers."

Father talking on his cell phone in the bathroom stall with his son at Sawatdee

"Well, I just got done wiping Tyler's butt so, perfect timing..."

HEARD BY AARON

Jailbait

"You want a ride?"
"You want to have some fun?"
"You want to get high?"
--questions asked during a walk through the park on Monday (all were answered "No")


"It's quick, easy money for you."
--The man who mistakes girls for prostitutes, and then runs away when you point out another man and say, "That's my boyfriend."

HEARD BY DANI

Misread!!

I saw this at school, and from a distance it TOTALLY looked like it said: "A Faulty Rectal"




WITNESSED BY AARON

I'll Try My Best

I saw this in a basement apartment window on 3rd Ave on the way to work... I don't get it.



WITNESSED BY AARON

On the MCTC Campus

GIRL OUTSIDE ON CELL PHONE: So we were all outside smoking and he lit up a joint. All I kept thinking was 'Oh my god, she hates my friends!'



GUY ON CELL PHONE ON 4TH FLOOR: Quit lying, bitch. Quit lying, bitch. Quit lying, bitch...


HEARD BY AARON

Woman to her 4 year old at Gale Woods Farm in Minnetrista

"Yes, honey, mommy has been stepping in sheep doo-doo all day, too..."


Below is one of the offending sheep.



WITNESSED BY AARON

Amateur Critic Roundup

"I didn't like it. They just had sad, depressing lives, blah blah blah. The end..."
--Teen girl to her friends seconds after "Friends with Money" ended at Block E.


"Dude I just saw 'Silent Hill'... Yeah, 'Silent Hill'... It was the most fucked up movie I have ever seen in my entire life..."
--Teen girl on her cell phone outside AMC Southdale after advance screening.


"Well... THAT was pleasant..."
--Girl to her boyfriend after "Wolf Creek" at Block E.


"Why THAT wasn't a comedy at ALL."
--Elderly woman to her elderly friend moments after "Closer" in Maple Grove.

Two goth girls walking past the convention center

"As long as you don't have sex with customers or drink at work you're doing your job..."

HEARD BY AARON

Older black man remarking about some little girls doing double dutch in the parking lot at Loring Towers.

"Aww hell naw, they kickin' it Old School!"

HEARD BY AARON

Pre-teen boys making plans:

"There's a chance that, during Passover, I might come over to your house."

HEARD BY SARAH AND GEE

Text message from Sarabellem after I waved to her on her passing bus.

"You just made me lose the game!"



RECEIVED BY AARON

A girl to a guy she was walking with near the bus stop on Lyndale and Franklin, across the street from Rudolph's BBQ:

"I told her that you're not REALLY a nerd, you just like 'Lord of the Rings' and 'Star Wars' alot, but you're actually really cool. I mean you're not, like, a Trekkie or anything. I don't think she gets it..."

HEARD BY AARON

Interracial Dating

"Hey Mello-Yello, how about a chocolate fellow?"

HEARD BY SARAH

"Snort - I got me a white girlfriend, too!"

HEARD BY VALSHEREA

Man speaking in Spanish (which I don't understand) On the number 11 just passing the convention center.

"Blah blah blah Oscar Meyer Weiner blah blah blah..."


HEARD BY AARON

One old man to another on the number 11 heading toward 3rd and Franklin near the convention center

"Yeah, if you just get you some suspenders you won't have that problem."


HEARD BY SARAH AND AARON

Black man, grumbling in front of me during the movie "Confederate States of America"

"This shit ain't funny."


HEARD BY AARON

Two white girls about to cross the street to the bar "Level" on Hennepin and 6th on a Friday night.

Girl 1: Girl, let's go in there.
Girl 2: Hell naw, it's all white folks up in there.


HEARD BY SARAH AND AARON

Pockets

Two men walking down 2nd Av S near Stevens Square Park:

Man 1: "Dawg, how much money you got?"
Man 2: "Why you all up in mah POCKETS?!"

Man sitting at top of the escalator outside the downtown Target

"Heeeeeeeeeey, Queer, Homosexual"

I think he was even pointing out people as they rode by on the escalator!

HEARD BY SARAH

Man On The Bus

"Are you on that Internet?"


HEARD BY SARAH

Quit playing games

Quotes from game nights:

"Oh, he died."

"He makes movies."

"YOU LOVE HIM!"

"Model T?"

"When that things that barks is hungry, this is what you do."